BY HARRY RING
Corporate image - Like other companies, Caterpillar's budget includes getting its logo placed in movies. Perhaps most appropriate for the blood-sucking company is the flick From Dusk to Dawn, in which a vampire sports a Cat hat.
Works well in U.S. - The San Francisco Chronicle notes the report that since Nelson Mandela's election, electricity has been brought to 525,000 homes that were without it, and they plan to add 300,000 a year. In a cogent analysis, a Chronicle columnist adds: "One result: Crime is lower in some townships because people stay home and watch television."
Oink - It's reported there will be a film of "shock jock" Howard Stern's autobiog, Private Parts. Commented one wag: "Movies about talking pigs are hot this year."
You and UPS vs. the distance mailers - It was a full-page United Parcel Service ad: "Overnight delivery service made the world a better place for capitalism. So why are the rates still based on communism?" It announces that the flat rate for overnight service, will be replaced by "distance-based pricing," declaring, "Why should you pay for other people's overnight shipments if yours isn't going as far?"
The communist view - That UPS ad neglects to mention what the new rates will be. But if we were of a gambling bent, we'd offer six-to-five that, be the distance short or long, we'll all be paying more.
Really? - A federal grand jury is probing the relationship between the tobacco industry and the Virginia firm Healthy Buildings International. HBI has frequently given "expert" testimony for the industry, downplaying the effects of second- hand smoke. An ex-employee charges that HBI doctored its evidence and that the company is subsidized by the Tobacco Institute.
`The Lord is my navigator - "We offer freedom to the masses. It's a tough fight...but we're brave. We're well financed. We believe God is on our side." - James Barksdale, head man at Netscape, the brisk-selling software program for accessing the Internet.
Mac the Hook - McDonnell Douglas was penalized by the feds for overpricing spare parts for the C-17 transport plane. For instance, it outsourced manufacture of a door hook, for which the contractor charged $389. McDonnell then decided to make the hooks itself, billing the government $8,842 a piece. For this and other similar infractions, McD shelled out a fast $182,000.
Add 1 cup melted rubber, 6 tbs. salt... - With a straight face, American Airlines is marketing a cookbook of recipes for its in-flight meals.
Shop early for Valentine's Day - A special offer from New York's Fountain Pen Hospital: "Solid gold fountain pen, Reg. $8,000. Call for price and availability."